Having an emotionally manipulative mother in law can be quite tough to live with, which is why we will help you out. With our guide to dealing with overbearing mother in law, you will learn the strategies to deal with her and also how to respond to her insults. There are a lot more things you will learn about your controlling mother in law in this guide, so make sure to stick until the end:
Who comes first wife or mother?
Do you have an emotionally manipulative mother in law, and you are wondering who should my husband choose his mother or me? Well think of this as a boat carrying you and his mother, and that boat is about to sink, who do you think he will save?
If we look at this logically, he will go for his mother first because he can always remarry, but he cannot have a second mother. I know it seems a bit harsh, but that can happen. So think of your situation just like this. His mother has been around way before you; she has birthed him, fed him, and turned him into a grown man.
So you cannot just expect him to abandon his mother and take your side even if she is manipulating him.
You need to be on the good side of your mother in law by understanding her, valuing her and compromising a little bit. If she really cares for her son, she will start to back off too, and your husband won’t have to be in the dilemma of choosing between you two.
What is a toxic mother in law?
There can be many signs for a poisonous mother in law that you can observe, some of them are:
- She never admits she is wrong and never apologizes for anything
- She will do her best to ignore you to convey that you don’t matter to her
- She will indirectly tell you she doesn’t like you
- She will expect you to completely submit to whatever she wants
- She will behave charming and self-less in public but will show her worst side in private
Why does Mother in law manipulate my husband?
There can be many reasons for having an emotionally manipulative mother in law, and one of them might be because she doesn’t like you? Maybe you guys started on the wrong foot, or it can be a totally different reason as well.
Another thing can be the need for attention, or dramatic nature she has that is turning her into a controlling mother in law that wants you both to have your lives revolve around her.
Or, maybe she feels left out, which is why she has to cross the boundaries of decency in desperation to be included in the life of her son. We suggest you should analyze your behavior as well and see if you are doing something causing her to behave this way.
How do you know if your mother in law is jealous of you?
If you want to know whether your overbearing mother in law is jealous of you, then you should look for the following signs:
- She will be overly critical of everything you do
- She will pose as if she knows it all
- You will often face her sarcasm
- She might often bring up her son’s past relationships
- She will try to insult you every chance she gets
- You will feel like she is always competing with you
- She will often doubt your qualities
5 smart ways to deal with an emotionally manipulative mother in law?
- Talk to Her: One of the best ways to deal with an overbearing mother in law is by talking to her. Make her understand that you realize your husband is her child, and this change is not easy for her. But she needs to let him embark on this new journey of his life now.
- Plan an Activity with Her: Once you have the talk, try to involve her in activities, so she doesn’t feel left out. Rent out her favorite movie and watch it together with your husband and her. Go out on a trip together or plan a fancy diner. Just do small things that make her feel included and valued.
- Stop Valuing: I know this one contradicts the point above, but if the above-mentioned things don’t work, then we suggest that you just stop giving value to whatever she says and get busy with your life. She won’t stop trying to hurt you so you should start ignoring her attempts, she might eventually get tired and stop. If you feel like venting, talk to your friends or her other daughters-in-law about this to cool yourself down but don’t show her that she is winning.
- Just Ignore Her: If you cannot take anything from her, then just get out of the way when she is around. Either get out of the house and go shopping with friends or chill in your bedroom. The less you two see each other, the fewer problems there will be.
- Turn The Tables: Another thing you can do is bounce her attempts to insult or degrade you back to her. For instance, if she points out something bad in the dinner you cooked just to insult you, ask her to treat all of you with a nice meal next time. Or if she drags her finger across the table to see how much dust is on it, hand her the cloth to clean it.
How do I separate my husband from narcissistic mother in law that destroyed my marriage?
We cannot tell you how to do that because we don’t know how your husband might respond to the idea of leaving his mother. However, we can tell you to try being on her good side. Follow the tips that we have provided in the section above and see how she responds to this.
If she starts to change, then it’s great if she doesn’t, then just talk to your husband about her behavior and how fed up you are. If he understands your situation, then that’s great, work out a solution with him or else start giving him the silent treatment.
If it doesn’t work, leave the house for some time, when both the mother in law and your husband will see how you were handling the whole house, they will start realizing your value.
How to Handle a Meddling Mother In Law?
There can be two main reasons why your emotionally manipulative mother in law would even meddle in your business. The first one is that you do not keep your problems in your bedroom. Your fights or arguments somehow reach your mother in law either through your husband or kids. And that’s why she starts to put her nose in your issues.
Secondly, you are doing what she is telling you to do. Your controlling mother in law is addicted to telling you what to do, and you always obey her. So just do what you believe is best, not what she thinks. When she sees you are not caring what she says, her involvement in your matters will start to decrease.
Why does the mother in laws cause problems?
There can be many reasons for this, and one of them is not being able to accept you. There is some genuinely poisonous mother in law, and there are some that just cannot get over the feeling of letting her child get away from her and into the arms of her wife. So they either intentionally or unintentionally start causing problems.
The second reason can be their already present overpowering nature. They don’t respect any mother in law boundaries because they were controlling their child for a long time, and now they want you to be their puppet as well.
What do you do if your mother in law insults you?
- Analyze Her Insult: See if she is talking the truth or just saying this to make you feel bad.
- Maintain Morality: Do not jump at her and start the catfight; if she is telling the truth, just talk to her and let her know that you appreciate her pointing this out, but it could’ve been said politely.
- Defend Yourself: If she is just trying to insult you and not correct you, then you should defend yourself and tell her why you are doing what you are doing.
- Cautiously Vent Out: Tell your spouse about the insults his mother made but don’t be excessively angry because that’s his mother you are venting about.
- Let it Go: Now that all is said and done, if your husband is supportive, and you feel relaxed after venting things out to him, just try to let go of the things your mother in law says, that’s the best you can do.
Now that you know the strategies to deal with your emotionally manipulative mother in law, we suggest that you start working on them right away because the more time passes, the harder it will be for you to get on the good side of your overbearing mother in law.